News From Padel Shed

A Barnsley man known locally as Jack “Smasher” Williams has reportedly formed two promising new friendships this week, largely on the unshakable belief that they are based entirely on his exceptional padel prowess rather than convenience, proximity, or the fact he owns a decent racket. Witnesses say Jack became suspicious only briefly when neither friend knew his surname but both knew his preferred grip, favourite court, and how often he mentions his smash. Speaking after another emphatic victory that may or may not have happened, Williams said, “Nah listen, they’re proper good lads, tha can tell. Soon as I hit that smash they were like ‘oof’, weren’t they. It’s nowt to do wi’ lift back or brew after, they just appreciate talent, simple as that. If ah were rubbish they’d still be me mates… probably… ah think.”